The ridges on the roof of my mouth, the left side, feel weird. Like they’re swollen. I find it uncomfortable to have my tongue there. Orange juice helps more than Dr. Pepper.

I’ve found, as I write this, that (despite what I claimed in high school) I don’t particularly enjoy metal, unless it’s classic. But, even then, not so much. My iTunes is on shuffle and a feeling crawled up my spine–not tingling, but more of a slow lurching. Let’s see, from “I Miss You So Much” by TLC it ambled to “Relentless Chaos” by Monument (which, I think it thinks is metal or some kind of “hardcore” music) then onto “Falling From Me” by Korn. Korn I have nothing against, I was first introduced to them in high school when I was trying to fit in with the alternative girls. Anyway, they’re a little difficult to write to unless the volume is down enough. I don’t have great taste in music, if not at least sporadic (Adele is on right now).

I’m sporting, over my movie monster pjs, my Jack Skellington (I wrote and quickly deleted “Skellingthong”) snuggie-thing. It’s not a trademarked snuggie, it has some other name that’s more descriptive than it is a name. But, it has the sleeves that snuggies do. In fact, with Jack, it has a hood. So, it’s better than a snuggie. And, with my Jack hooded-sleeved blanket, I’m wearing Adam West Batman slippers. Eyebrows and all. I’m rather pleased with them because they don’t make my feet uncomfortable and they don’t look like I decapitated two Batmans and jammed their heads on my tootsies. They kinda clash with my Jack blankie, except in (an obscure, though easily explained) theme.

On Christmas I was lying on my bed, donned in my wearable Jack blanket and Batslippers, listening to my iPod. I decided to buy myself a couple new songs. I plugged Spike into my computer and fiddled around in the store. I grabbed two songs by The Airborne Toxic Event to accompany a song I already have of theirs from the same album (self titled) that I will buy in its entirety later (when I have the funds). “Papillon” is good and I rather enjoy it, though I needed to listen to it a few times to begin to appreciate it beyond the sample and title. Before it I bought “Wishing Well” that accompanies “Sometime Around Midnight” (already owned) very well in loveliness and desperation.

It’s a feeling I’ve gotten a lot before, but I thought I abandoned it a long time ago. Like, I feel like something big is going to happen–not the classes I will be taking, the class I’m trying to get into, the classes I teach, and not graduation–something that I don’t know what is supposed to happen. Hopefulness, desire, delusion. All good things, but I’d like something less nebulous, less desperate. Just this one time.


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